"This is the mind that is humiliated, who hears every piercing voice, smile and eye that stares and keep staring until it’s taken away, until trample the neck and until cut the tongue that can’t make jokes. Everything seems humiliating. There is the voice of that person and how he wanted to be in peace but everything keeps go and go and go."
OH…WAIT, WAIT, was doing nothing wrong; I, nor ever I did it. I was the source of his enlightening knowledge that I had, but…but he was just stupid.
There was daytime and morning time, when we used to meet and talk and to talk, soon I got the topics, but never looked to not go for pale continuation. Usually it got pale because I, yes, I kept thinking, diving and the world was fucked up. And what could I do if the world was a stupid scene? All the truths I said without a blue-eyed filter and also, filters can’t fit on all the truths.
I said about religion. He was a Brahmin and an ugly casteist moron. A sick trait these morons had, to harass and call it a joke, a casteist joke. I told him why he was false. I countered him, cursed, stopped and disclosed the rape of the weak. And he heard, agreed and remains the same. It pierced my heart. Why couldn't he just stop and be intelligent? I just wanted to…
I said about his career. Follow the dreams, the heart and unsaid voices. But he did the things that society and parents call, and made him a worthy child. Yeah, of course, a worthy child, worthy, WORTHY. It’s a duty to cut out your own tongue, eyes and ears to make those proud who would die in the middle of our way, leaving the rest path to cross by on own. He did that and called it mature. Mature? It frustrated me walking beside of a slave man. I just wanted to…
I said about love and family. I told why parents love us, partner loves us, sister, brother loves us, because we are their child, share desire to sex, and share DNA. There’s no question for what we deserve, and it is made up of sex, family and marriage. It never defines the worthiness. So do they truly love? Or they are dying for DNA or evolutionary parts? But he ended up in the trap of sex. I could see the invisible plate, why couldn’t he? He thought me mentally unstable. Yeah I was. How could one be stable if he lived with a slave? It humiliated me. I just wanted to…
I just wanted to tear him, kill him, and see his tongue that can’t make jokes. For the last time, I just wanted to abuse his fucking face. Every second reminded me what violence my fingers were trembling with. But it hadn’t came out because I needed him, needed him in some of the places like college, as he bought some of the usable information; at the morning walk, as for seconds, he was a good cartoon to make me laugh.
But the day had come, the day freed me from the need to see his face, and now I laugh at that past. I think that those are no more, the days and I should have loved to use him more. Used even more this cartoon to make myself laugh, used him to cover my extended work and used him to defeat my shameless enemy.
But, I remain thinking of those dreamy clouds, walking beside of a person who makes casteist jokes, want to be slave man and depends on DNA, and it frustrates me, and I just want to…
And the cycle will go and go and go in this fucking world.
Author's note
It was just the thought, but it happened truly. And it humiliated me, day by day, night by night and words by words. Society's norms always had been so traumatizing and the practices are just way more far from good and logic, but the frustration in this is real, it's so real.